


The one thing you can never do

by Ineedadrinkorsleep



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Canon Autistic Character, Canon Queer Character, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 11:17:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21319315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ineedadrinkorsleep/pseuds/Ineedadrinkorsleep
Summary: Kit and Ty finally discuss their feelings.
Relationships: Tiberius Blackthorn/Kit Rook
Comments: 10
Kudos: 199





	The one thing you can never do

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still having Kitty pain, so I guess this is me working through it. I probably just need a new hobby or something.

It's funny how sometimes, after going through so much effort to get away from something, you find yourself ending up right back where you started. Kit wasn't the sort of person to believe in fate or destiny, but maybe there was something inevitable about certain factors of his life. Like he was always meant to be a shadowhunter and maybe he was always meant to end up back in LA. Or maybe that wasn't actually what was inevitable about Kit's life. Maybe his destiny had nothing to do with a specific place or location. Maybe it had everything to do with a person.

Kit wasn't exactly sure why he was having a bit of an existential crisis at such a late hour, but after being submerged back in the Blackthorn circus for a day, he needed to be alone with his thoughts. There was another apocalyptic crisis occurring in LA that the Los Angeles institute seemed to be the center of once again. So the Blackthorns and what Kit liked to call "The Blackthorn Adjacents" had sent out a distress call to New York and also to Tessa and Jem for reinforcements. 

The interesting thing about Kit's particular brand of bad luck is that if this wasn't an emergency Ty wouldn't have even been there. Kit knew from hearing Tessa mention it off hand that Ty had gone to study at the scholomance but the threat of an impending war had most likely brought him back home. So Kit had basically dug his heels into the ground and refused to move. 

"I'm not going." He had insisted. "They don't need me, it'll be fine." Jem and Tessa had exchanged one of those annoying married couple looks, as if they were communicating telepathically. Then Jem had delivered the money line. 

"But what if Ty is in trouble?"

For someone usually so kind and sensitive it was more then a little manipulative, but Kit knew it was for the greater good. So he joined his adoptive parents and his baby sister as they passed through the portal to LA and tried not to hyperventilate. However funnily enough amongst all the chaos of so many shadowhunters being in one place as well as many influential downworlders, he had yet to find himself in a situation where he was forced to speak to Ty. Any time they were in the same room Ty would avoid his gaze and essentially pretend that Kit did not exist. 

Which suited him just fine. If Ty wanted to be petty then so could Kit. There was a part of him (arguably much more logical and level headed) that was berating him for this kind of ridiculous behavior. However in situations like this, it would seem that no matter how hard he tried to be honest and express his true feelings, something always stopped him. It was almost as if some cold and dark force took over, wrapping itself around Kit's heart and preventing anyone from getting through. 

It was internal struggles such as these that lead him to the roof. He could see why both Mark and Ty liked coming up here so much. There was something quite peaceful and relaxing about being so far away from the rest of the world especially considering the chaos downstairs. It was interesting to Kit how you could clearly see that every person in that institute played a distinct role in the process of stopping this threat. 

Everyone except for him.

Sometimes on dark long nights he would wonder if anyone would really notice if he disappeared forever. However this time before he could slip farther into that black hole, he heard footsteps behind him, disturbing his solitude. This was a little irritating 

"I'm sorry I just really need to be alone right now" Kit called out to the night without turning around. 

"I know the feeling" came the reply in the form of a deep familiar voice that seemed to seep into his bones and flow through his viens, infecting every part of him. Even after three years he would know that voice anywhere. 

Ty. 

Kit let out a shakey exhale and closed his eyes. He was far too tired to be cold or passive aggressive. So instead of telling Ty to leave him alone, accompanied by some very colorful language, or making some spiteful remark, Kit turned around to face him. Ty was standing with his arms crossed and his signature headphones slung around his neck. His face was blank, devoid of any emotion but his fingers were fiddling with the strings on his hoodie, rolling them between his right thumb and pointed finger. His left hand was fluttering slightly at his side. Kit fought the urge to reach for him. God sometimes it was like he was a drug addict. Just constantly jonesing for his next fix of Ty. 

He waited for Ty to speak, but he just stared back at Kit. Even though eye contact was difficult for him, he was looking Kit dead in the eye. And then,

" You are so difficult" Ty spoke with an even voice which was even more irritating then the remark itself. This time he couldn't bite back a retort. 

"I'm the difficult one?" Kit exclaimed clenching his hands into fists in an attempt to control his temper. "You're the one who has been avoiding me this whole time genius!" Kit saw Ty flinch at the remark but he wasn't done. Not by a long shot. 

"I came here against my better judgement, because I wanted to try and fix what we broke three years ago and you spend all this time acting like I dont exist! Then out of blue you finally come up to me just to tell me I'm difficult?" Kit knew he was raising his voice but he just couldn't bring himself to care. "I mean honestly Ty if you really hate me that much then just tell me straight to my face and get it over with!" Kit yelled, his voice beganing to crack. 

Ty was avoiding his gaze now and had wrapped both his arms around himself squeezing tightly, his fingernails digging into his arms. Almost instantly Kit felt all of his anger begin to drain out of his body. Upsetting Ty was still the worst thing in the world.

"You left me." Ty's voice was a harsh whisper barely loud enough to register. Ty shifted his gaze back to meet Kit's. There were tears in his eyes. Kit's heart jolted at the sight. Ty took a deep breath, dropped his hands to his sides and stepped towards him. Kit found it was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe. 

"You told me that you wished you had never met me during what was probably the most difficult experience of my life, and then you just left" Ty stated pointedly. Kit felt the urge to protest, to tell him that the only reason any of that happened was because of what Ty said. However, something about his tone made Kit feel as though all of the resistance had been sucked out of his body. 

He was completely at the mercy of Ty.

It wasn't the first time and it certainly wouldn't be the last.

Ty took another breath and closed his eyes. "You have to understand, I needed Livvy. I have never known how to do any of this without her" Ty gestured around himself vaguely. " I never had to. Then when I lost her, it was like everything was spun into chaos around me and I couldn't breathe." Ty's voice was becoming shakey and uneven as his fingers started fluttering again. "So I had to get her back Kit, because I couldn't live like that. You have to understand!" Ty pleaded.

Kit felt some of his anger returning, not just at Ty but at himself as well for sympathizing with him. " See that's the problem Ty" Kit began, failing to keep the venom out of his voice. " I do understand! I understand why you did what you did. I always have." Kit found himself moving towards Ty. "I mean it was a stupid plan and I should have stopped you, but I still get it. That's not why I was mad." Ty looked confused but calm. 

"Then why were you angry Kit?"

Kit shivered slightly at the way Ty said his name. It was no longer harsh and dripping with malice or frustration. It was the was the way he used to say it, before. Back when they were younger, before everything went to shit. It was soft and sweet and Kit was pretty sure it was his favourite sound in the whole world. He was tempted to just ask Ty to forget about it, forget about all of it so they could put the past behind them and move on. 

But he couldn't. Not when the memory was still so clear. 

So Kit swallowed down his feelings and pushed on. "You said I was nothing Ty" he stated mournfully, looking down away from Ty's gaze. "You told Livvy that there was nothing if she wasn't here." There was a moment of silence, so Kit raised his head. Ty was staring at him with utter shock and confusion. And there was something else. Something Kit couldn't quite place. 

But he knew that it was something he never wanted to see it again. 

Ty was shaking his head slowly in disbelief. "That isn't what I meant. I was grieving Kit! I wasn't paying attention to what I was saying." Ty explained mournfully. He moved even closer to Kit so there was barely any space left between them and gently placed his hand against Kit's cheek. "Did you honestly believe that I didnt care about you? That all our time together meant nothing?" 

Kit was shaking slightly, not from anger but from holding back the tears. He wished he could break Ty's gaze but it was almost if there was some sort of magnetic pull refusing to let Kit look away. He closed his eyes for a moment to compose himself, and when he opened them, he found Ty still gazing at him with an unusual softness.

Kit took a breath, shaking his head slowly. "I don't know Ty. It was just easy." Tears were threatening to spill down his cheeks. Ty was looking at him with confusion, his fingers twitching at his side. "Easy?" Ty murmered raising his other hand to lightly wipe away Kit's tears. "Why Kit? I dont understand." 

Kit took a step back letting Ty's hands fall back to his sides. All of a sudden he couldn't bear to have Ty so close. "Because honestly, why would you?" Kit confessed shakily. "Why would you care about me when nobody else ever has? My whole life, I've always been treated like a tool or a weapon. Like something useful or handy to have around when the situation calls for it, or as an inconvenience that you want to get rid of, but never like an actual person." Kit was aware that he was rambling at this point but he just couldn't seem to stop himself. His entire body was shaking slightly, either from the tears he was trying to hold in or from the anger. 

Honestly it was probably both. 

Kit could see that Ty was clearly upset by this but he stayed silent letting Kit continue. And there it was again, that same perplexing look on Ty's face. The one he couldn't quite put a name to. But Kit just kept going.

"You don't understand what it's like to spend your entire life not being loved! No matter how alone you may have felt at times, you've always had a family who would die for you! You have spent your entire life surrounded by love Ty and you will never understand what it's like to be completely and utterly alone!" Kit was well aware that he was spiraling at this point but he needed to get it out. He needed to be able to finally tell someone. 

"And I'm starting to think that no matter what I do, I'll always be alone and maybe no one's ever gonna love-" 

Kit didnt get the chance to finish his sentence. He didnt get the chance to finish whatever the hell he was about to say because Ty was pulling him close and pressing his lips to Kit's in a frantic kiss.

Ty was kissing him. 

Ty was kissing him.

Ty's lips were harsh and cold against Kit's. He was pressing his fingertips into Kit's skin, gripping onto him frantically. The kiss was messy and unpracticed but Ty was kissing him with everything that he had and Kit could hardly think of anything else.

Kit could hardly think at all.

Then suddenly Ty broke the kiss and let go of him. Kit found himself instant missing the feel of Ty's touch. He was staring at Kit again with that same fierce intensity with tears in his eyes and Kit found it hard to breathe at the sight. He knew that whatever Ty was about to tell him was extremely important otherwise he most likely would have looked away by now. 

"Don't" Ty stated simply, his voice full of misery and heartbreak. 

"What?" Kit breathed still in a daze. "Don't? Don't what Ty?" He wasn't sure what was going on or what Ty was asking for, but he was fully prepared to give it to him. He would give anything for Ty to stop looking at him like that. 

Ty shook his head slightly and closed his eyes. When he opened them again they were filled with tears.

"Don't Kit." Ty spoke with a frightening intensity. "Dont you dare say that no one loves you." "You can be angry all you want, angel knows you deserve it. You can even hate me if it makes you feel better." Ty was shaking again, tears sliding down his cheeks. Kit wanted to try and comfort him but he found himself frozen in place. 

"But the one thing-" Ty continued, "the one thing you can never do, is say that I don't love you." 

Kit's heart stuttered in his chest. If he didn't know better he would have thought he was going into cardiac arrest. Every muscle in his body had frozen in place. He willed himself to move, to breathe, to do anything, but it seemed that all he could do was reply those words from Ty over and over in his head. 

Ty loved him? 

Ty loved him. 

Kit was pretty sure he was about to pass out.

Ty must have recognized his shock, as he carefully took Kit's hand in his. Ty stared down and their intertwined hands for a moment and Kit did what he had become quite an experience at. He stared at Ty. 

" I'm sorry you didnt realize it before" Ty finally spoke, his thumb tracing patterns against Kit's hand. "I thought you knew. I thought I had made it obvious to you, but I know that most people dont pick up on the ways I express my feelings." Kit opened his mouth to protest but Ty cut him off. 

"No it's True, and I'm honestly not angry with you for being confused. I should have just told you, but I was confused for awhile." Ty tentatively raised Kit's hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss to the back of it. Kit felt a shiver run over every inch of his skin. 

"I'm sorry I didnt say it back before that day on the beach. When everything went wrong. I didnt know what you meant at first, why exactly you were saying it and why then. I love you can mean lots of different things as I've learned over the years." Ty was looking at him again and continuing to run his fingers along Kit's skin, making shapes of some sort.

Runes. Kit realized. He was tracing runes. 

"I understand that" Kit replied. His voice was hoarse from not talking for awhile. He cleared his throat. "I mean obviously not completely, but I get where you're coming from." Ty tilted his head slightly in confusion at the figure of speech. "Where?" he asked. 

Kit smiled brightly. Somehow Ty had the innate ability to make everything either adorable, or downright beautiful. "I love you so much" he said in lieu of an answer. Ty's eyes lit up at Kit's confession. "I know" Ty replied, finally releasing his hand. Kit silently mourned the loss of contact.

Ty started backing up towards the hatch, a thoughtful smile taking over his features. He then stopped and stared at Kit for awhile, biting his lip. He then broke into another beautiful smile. 

"I love you too Cristopher. Now are you coming?" 

And with that, Ty turned around and dropped back down the hatch leading back into the institute. Kit chuckled softly to himself. 

Of course he was.


End file.
